Last Thursday marked the day, one year ago, that my grandmother passed away. My little family & I currently live in grandmother's residence. Her puffy recliner still sits in the corner of the living room, in the same spot it did when she was alive. Only now it is covered with laundry to be folded. Actually, when I look around, I notice there are multiple chairs covered in laundry to be folded.
*sigh*
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I always think.
Watching my grandmother fade away & turn into someone who was not my grandmother, changed me. Forever. I can't quite get back to the exuberant, full-of-energy, crafting-up-a-storm, create-or-die momentum I once had.
(This blog is definite evidence of that.)
You want to know what makes me feel accomplished these days? When I cook dinner for my family. It doesn't happen often.
I currently sit, laptop on lap, legs outstretched on the sofa, coughing & wheezing with "the bronchitis". It has been a doozy of a summer, with this little mama sick the whole while. I'm a busy lady, with no time for this illness stuff. For reals.
The fam & I have been devoting our time & energies to a church the Mr. officially became pastor of in April. The church is in Connell, WA, a 40-mile trip from where we live. We are presently knee-deep in renovating an exciting Kids Ministry, which we are planning on launching in August, so we make the commute quite often during the week. I get to put a different set of my creative skillz to work, & it's rather exciting watching sketches turn into reality. There's no other feeling like a dream & a vision becoming something palpable. And there's something special about being united with a group of people who share the same vision.
I have also been immersed in music, leading worship every week. What an awesome journey! Being in God's presence is an amazing thing. Although, this bronchitis bizness has been a battle. I think I have stretched myself beyond stretching. I have not had a chance to rest. Why do I feel so guilty resting? I'm at that "I can't" point. I can't. I just can't anymore. My body needs to heal. And so this is me, rambling on, visiting with you, resting. It's nice.
Sometime in the next 3 days I've got a birthday party to plan. I can tell my almost-11-year-old Pazely is getting nervous as her special day approaches, because her mommy hasn't had the usual celebratory frenzy & chaos about her that she should have right about now. Poor thing. I have schemed an outdoor party by the river. You know, so the sand & the water can do most of the entertaining. I see it's supposed to be 104 degrees that day. There may be melting party guests. I will let you know how it goes.
I hope you don't mind if I stop by more frequently to ramble & visit.
Until next time...
♥
Oh Nikki- I hear ya! Life just shifts all over the place, not in our control the way we want it to be. But then it all seems to be working as it should be. Do try to find rest in the crazy- God has big things planned for you, and he needs you healthy to do them! 😘
ReplyDeleteYour life has had so many changes over the past year. You need to take time to grieve, to remember, to adjust. When your feet get knocked out from underneath you, SIT DOWN! I promise you, God will take you by the hand and help you heal. You are still growing up, my dear. Don't forget you are one of God's CHILDREN. As children, we grow. We change. Just as you watch your children grow, God watches us grow. It doesn't stop just because we are mommies. Of course you don't have the same energy or interests you did a year ago! You have had so many life changes, and your body is telling you to TAKE A BREAK and just breathe! And if you haven't been to the doctor yet for your bronchitis, go! Let God help you understand that what your grandmother meant to you is reflected in what you mean to your family. They treasure you in much the same way that you treasured your grandma. Your grandmother's love is still very much alive and part of your family, and always will be. I will pray for you, for your body and heart and to heal. In the meantime, don't put off taking time to regroup and grieve. Let God lead you where He wants you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are on the mend and getting/taking the rest you need. I am sure Pazley will love anything you come up with for her birthday. Life keeps changing doesn't it. I haven't been on my blog for a couple of months now as the kids have left home and I am now working more hours to help pay for their Uni fees and gets me out of the quiet house. Just means less time for blogging and crafting which I think I will get back to one day soon. Lovely that you have that wonderful chair to remind you of your grandmother….see you can see past the clothes. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon~you need to rest!
ReplyDeleteHope you kicked your bronchitis, had a non-melty, calm but awesome birthday party, and a successful kick-off to the kids ministry, and maybe even folded a chair or two full of laundry (not that it has to be done, but it's nice to have a place to sit and think), and will soon be back to your fun-loving, craft-crazy self. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up!!!"
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