4 Months Later...

Pardon me while I wipe the dust off this ol' thing...

To say that I have been absent is true.

But don't let the cobwebs in the corner fool you. It has actually been a creatively fantastic 2016 thus far. I'm having an amazing journey & I decided to not sit in it in silence anymore. I mean, I needed to be silent with it for a while.
But now I'm ready to be social. 

During the very first week of January this year, the Mr. & I stepped down from our roles as pastor & worship leader at the little church we were ministering at. It was bittersweet to say goodbye. I have never been gifted with such a blank canvas as that. And I poured my everything into it. Art & music, which are such a big part of who I am, were at the core of what I did there.
So, so, so grateful for the past year there.

I sang every week. I played the piano every week. I constantly learned new music. I created digital graphics. I designed & dreamed & planned & painted. I saw my sketches on paper literally come to life before me. It was awesome.

All my energies were directed toward that one institution. And when that connection between me & that thing no longer existed, I felt lost for a moment.
What do I do now?
Well, if you're me, you make a list.
In giant letters, at the top of the lined pages of my journal I wrote:
"2016 GOALS"
And though this list includes things like:
•finish reading Moby Dick
&
•get my camera repaired & cleaned

...it also includes stuff like:
•draw more
•write more
•maintain a daily "quiet time"
•learn to make pasta
•and macaroons

I also made a goal to create something every single day. Be it a sketch, or a painting, or a craft, or a song, or a video, or a new memory with my family. And I've been sticking to it.
(Follow me on Instagram to see my daily MAKE STUFF updates.)

Oh my goodness, my favorite thing is waking up & getting my usual quiet time with Jesus. And I've kicked it up a notch. I've started writing more. But I'll just have to save that for another blog post. Because I could go on & on about it...

And I didn't know how much I loved to draw! Every day I try to practice, to get better. I've met some cool artistic peeps online, simply through our shared love of pen-to-paper + a #MakeWithMe sketch challenge I joined for the month of January.

I got a guitar for Christmas & am ever-so-slowly trying to teach myself to play. I've always wanted to play guitar. I'm not sure I can do it. But I'm gonna try!

And this year I can't wait to learn to make pasta & macaroons.

And guide Pazely along in completing her first sewing project.

And help Zoey learn to film & edit videos for her YouTube channel.

I'm also continuing a challenge I completed last year of reading one spiritual/inspiring book a month. 

Right now I get to create for me. For myself. It feels really cool. My creative efforts have been slightly refocused. I feel like I get to wander more. Peek around new corners. My handiwork involves using different parts of my imagination. It seems to be that way in every major event that has happened in my life: Minor variations on my creative adventures.
And I'm ok with that. I used to not be ok with it though. I used to fight the fact that things changed. No matter how much I tried to keep things the same, I couldn't hold it all in place, I couldn't combat it.
Now I almost don't even notice the transitions. I definitely don't protest anymore.

I'm not gonna lie: Losing my grandmother changed me forever. (It'll be 2 years in June.) I'm afraid to admit that I think I'm struggling to accept the change that made in me. It's the hardest I've ever been hit in life. This last year, especially, has really been a lot of bumbling around, putting on a happy face, finding where I fit now.

All that aside, my heart feels big, & I wake up each day, glad.
Ready to share what's in my heart.
Ready to be more vulnerable.
Ready to share pictures of a macaroon-making mess in the kitchen.
And songs sung off-key.
And poetry made from a morning of prayer-writing.